14 Ways to Be a Happier Person

For most adults, happiness doesn't just happen automatically. Yet, many of us expect it to be that way. You may dutifully plan out virtually every aspect of your life from your career to what to eat for dinner, and in so doing assume that it will bring you happiness. This assumption would be incorrect in most cases. Unless you actively pursue it, happiness can be quite elusive. Part of the problem adults have is that, as a child, your parents will ensure your happiness by planning entertainment and making sure you have fun. Barbara Fredrickson, PhD, a social psychologist, director of the Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Lab at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and author of Positivity, pointed out in TIME that even in college, your relationships with friends tend to continue to drive the happiness you experienced as a child. "But after that, the scaffolding of having a good day is taken away, and nobody is telling you how to provide that for yourself," she says. And therein lies the problem. Left to your own devices (be honest), your day probably consists primarily of what has to be done, with very little, if any, time left for what you want to do. And that's not a recipe for happiness. Ordinary Moments Make You Happier as You Get Older You hear a lot in the media about people ticking items off of their "bucket lists…" i.e. the list of experiences you wish to have before you "kick the bucket." Such lists usually consist of extraordinary experiences, like world travel or completing a marathon, but are these really the moments that will make you happy? One study published in the Journal of Consumer Research suggests that while younger people tend to value extraordinary experiences, as people get older they tend to place more value on ordinary moments, such as drinking a good cup of coffee or "having a long and fun conversation with my son." The researchers explained: "Younger people, who view their future as extensive, gain more happiness from extraordinary experiences; however, ordinary experiences become increasingly associated with happiness as people get older, such that they produce as much happiness as extraordinary experiences when individuals have limited time remaining. Self-definition drives these effects: although extraordinary experiences are self-defining throughout one's life span, as people get older they increasingly define themselves by the ordinary experiences that comprise their daily lives." This is good news, because it suggests that learning to savor the small things in life can make a big difference in your level of happiness. In many ways happiness is a choice, and you can create it by following a certain routine. In fact, happy people tend to follow similar habits that set them apart from their sad and stressed-out peers. If you'd like to join them, read on. These are the top tips positive psychologists have to offer to, as TIME put it, "infuse your days with more pleasure." 1. Make Happiness Your Goal - It's thought that genetics account for about 50 percent of your "innate" happiness while life circumstances make up another 10. The rest is under your control, and the first step to harnessing it is to choose it and believe you can be happy. Research shows, for instance, that when people were told to attempt to feel happier when listing to music, they were (as opposed to those who were told to simply relax). It was the intention to become happier that made a difference. 2. Know What Makes You Happy - If it's been awhile since you've felt truly happy (that carefree joyous state you probably had as a child), you may have forgotten what it is that gets you there. Take time to reflect on what gives you joy (and not just the "obvious," like your family, but also little things, hobbies, and interests). 3. Prioritize Happiness - If you have an hour free, do you spend it doing something fun? Or do you spend it catching up on housework, tackling an extra work project, or otherwise working? The latter is a "minor form of insanity," according to happiness researcher Robert Biswas-Diener, PhD. And it certainly won't help you get happier. To break free of this trap, make a point to schedule your weeks around events (or ordinary activities) that make you feel truly happy and alive. 4. Savor the Pleasant Moments - People who take the time to savor pleasant moments report higher levels of happiness, regardless of where the day takes them. If you don't already do this, keeping a daily diary of pleasant moments and whether or not you truly savored them, might help. You might be surprised at how much happiness is to be had in your everyday life. Try appreciating the scent of your coffee, relishing in the feeling of your soft bed, or enjoying the sunrise before you start your day. 5. Protect Your Time - There's only so much time in a day, so be sure to protect your attention and time from unnecessary and unproductive distractions. This includes texts, tweets, and emails, which take you away from the true pleasures in life. If necessary, turn off social media completely. Research suggests that the more time people spend on Facebook, the more their moment-to-moment happiness declines and the less satisfied with life they become. 6. Think Happy Thoughts - Simply thinking about a positive event, and smiling as a result, can make you happier and more upbeat (more so than simply fake smiling). A genuine smile includes the facial muscles around your eyes, and can actually prompt brain changes linked to increased mood. 7. Spend Money on Experiences, Not 'Things' - Research suggests experiences make us happier than possessions; the "newness" of possessions wears off, as does the joy they bring you, but experiences improve your sense of vitality and "being alive" both during the experience and when you reflect back on it. However, experiences won't make you happy either if you're only doing them for bragging rights… and not because you really want to. 8. Be Playful with Your Significant Other - If your relationship with your significant other has become all about "business," it's a sign that you need to lighten up and add some fun back in. This can be as simple as sending your spouse a playful text, cooking a new recipe together, or enjoying a romantic bubble bath. 9. Have a Back-Up Plan for Bad Days - When you're having a bad day and your mood is sinking, have a plan in place to lift it back up. This could be calling a close friend, watching a comedy, or going out for a jog – you know what works best for you. 10. Find Your Sense of Purpose - Happiness isn't only about pleasure; it's also about having a sense of purpose. The term "eudaimonic well-being" originated with Aristotle, and describes the form of happiness that comes from activities that bring you a greater sense of purpose, life meaning, or self-actualization. This could be your career or it could be gleaned from volunteering or even taking a cooking class. 11. Socialize, Even with Strangers - Having meaningful social relationships is important for happiness, but even people who engage in "social snacking" report greater happiness. Social snacking describes the little ways you connect with others, including strangers, on a daily basis. In general, the more you mingle and chat with the people around you, the more cheerful and brighter your mood is likely to be. 12. Get Away - Taking time away from the daily grind is important for helping you recharge. And while even a weekend getaway can give you a boost, a longer trip is better to help you create meaningful memories. These memories can be tapped into later to help boost your happiness. Experts recommend a two-week vacation, ideally, even if it's to a locale close to home. 13. Do Acts of Kindness - When people make a point to conduct three to five acts of kindness a week, something magical happens… they become happier. Simple kind acts – a compliment, letting someone ahead of you in line, etc. – are contagious and tend to make all of those involved feel good. 14. Plan Your 'Sunday Funday' - Plan your day off a week in advance to maximize the pleasure it brings you. Experts suggest incorporating PEP – or, physical, escape, and people – for best results. This means, try to do something physical, something that allows you to escape and relax and something that gets you involved with others whose company you enjoy. Happiness Is Good for Your Mind and Body One of the best parts of being happy is that the feeling of happiness – whether you equate it with optimism, joy, well-being, personal achievement, or all of the above – goes hand-in-hand with healthier habits. People who are in good spirits tend to eat better, exercise more frequently, and get better sleep than those who are not. This could be, in part, because leading a healthy lifestyle helps you achieve your goals, leading to happiness. It could also be that such habits lead to better health, which in turn lends itself to a better mood and happiness. Positive thoughts and attitudes are able to prompt changes in your body that strengthen your immune system, boost positive emotions, decrease pain and chronic disease, and provide stress relief. It's even been scientifically shown that happiness can alter your genes! A team of researchers at UCLA showed that people with a deep sense of happiness and well-being had lower levels of inflammatory gene expression and stronger antiviral and antibody responses. This falls into the realm of epigenetics—changing the way your genes function by turning them off and on. So try out the happiness tips above. You don't have to do them all, of course. Even a few will likely make a difference in your feelings of happiness and also, as a result, boost your physical health. Source: mercola.com, 10/28/14.

Being Honest Can Improve Your Health

The average person lies about 11 times a day, and will slip in at least two dishonesties in a 10-minute conversation, according to lying expert Robert Feldman. New research suggests that this widespread insincerity is taking a toll on more than just your good reputation and, in fact, may play a significant role in your health. What’s more, you may be able to lower your risk of sore throats, colds, and headaches just by learning to tell the truth. The Power of Sincerity for Your Health Part of Sigmund Freud’s 1904 Fundamental Rule of Psychoanalysis was that complete honesty was required from patients for their cure. He may have been on to something, as evidenced by research presented at the 2014 national convention of the American Psychological Association. The study, followed 72 adults for five weeks. The participants were broken into a control group and a sincerity group that was told to speak only the truth. Members of the sincerity group were told: “Throughout every day of the next 5 weeks, you must speak honestly, truthfully, and sincerely—not only about the big things, but also about the small things, such as why you were late. You must always mean what you say in situations where your statements are to be taken seriously, as opposed to when joking or obviously exaggerating. While you certainly can choose not to answer questions, you must always mean what you say.” By the end of the study, significant health differences were reported among the two groups. Those in the sincerity group had an average of seven fewer symptoms, such as sore throats, headaches, nausea, and mental tension, than the control group. One of the study’s authors, psychology professor Anita Kelly, Ph.D, has been following the instructions too, and said that while she normally gets five to seven colds a winter, she had so far had none, despite the fact that she’d also been getting less sleep. As Forbes put it: “Perhaps all of that lying causes a continual level of psychosomatic stress that handicaps our immune system.” Why Do People Lie So Much? Honesty is often reported as one of the most desirable traits in a person. Yet, most people lie on a daily basis, from small “white” lies to more serious offenses. As for why people lie, it depends. Research by Feldman found that people lie almost as a matter of reflex and most may not even realize they’ve done it. In one study, all the participants said they had been truthful in their recorded conversations, but when the video was played back, 60 percent of the participants had not been truthful (and were reportedly “genuinely surprised” that they had said something inaccurate). Feldman found that men tend to lie to make themselves look better while women tend to lie to boost another person’s feelings. And extroverts, in general, tend to lie more frequently than introverts. Separate research from the University of Alberta revealed that people have an easier time lying to their co-workers than to strangers, especially when it comes to protecting their self-worth or self-esteem. Jennifer Argo of the University of Alberta explained: “…people appear to be short-term focused when they decide to deceive someone—save my self-image and self-worth now, but later on if the deceived individual finds out it can have long-term consequences.” Five ‘Versions of the Truth’ That are Really Lies It makes sense that lying would negatively impact your health and emotional well-being, as negative thoughts of all kinds have been shown to do just that. In the case of lying, however, many people do it without even thinking about it, which means, in order to protect your health, you’ve first got to identify what constitutes a lie. Here are five examples that might surprise you, as reported by Psychology Today: Controlling a Response, Lying by Omission, Exaggerations, Self-Protection, Gossip or Covert Communication. Even Small Incentives May Trigger Dishonesty You might be surprised, but there is compelling research that supports that about 98% of us lie because we can rationalize it as insignificant. In a test of college students who were entrusted to record their own test scores, researchers found the students were more likely to lie about their scores if the money reward was only 50 cents, as opposed to $10. This is likely because while people want to maximize their own reward, they also want to feel like they are good people. Lying and reaping just another 50 cents or 1 dollar seems like just a small “white lie,” whereas doing it for a bigger sum, like $10 or more, seems more dishonest. Study author Dan Ariely wrote: “We tend to think that people are either honest or dishonest… But that is not how dishonesty works…What we have found, in a nutshell: Everybody has the capacity to be dishonest, and almost everybody cheats—just by a little. Except for a few outliers at the top and bottom, the behavior of almost everyone is driven by two opposing motivations. On the one hand, we want to benefit from cheating and get as much money and glory as possible; on the other hand, we want to view ourselves as honest, honorable people. Sadly, it is this kind of small-scale mass cheating, not the high-profile cases, that is most corrosive to society.” Protect Your Health by Being Honest Honesty really is the best policy, and you can take the five-week sincerity challenge to see if it makes a difference in your health and well-being. If you find lying has become a habit, you can break it by prominently displaying your new moral code: honesty is the best policy. In the study of college students mentioned above, the perception of a moral code is what stopped people from cheating. When researchers reminded students of moral codes in connection with the tests, for instance reminding students of the schools’ moral code prior to testing, no cheating occurred. The same thing happened when participants were asked to swear on a Bible -- no cheating occurred (even among self-declared atheists in the group). Anita Kelly, whose study revealed being sincere has real health advantages, recommends going easy on yourself at first. You’re bound to have slip-ups, but when that happens simply correct what you’ve said. As she said, “being sincere is a process and you will get there with practice.” When you do, you’re likely to experience profound benefits. She continued: “Being sincere brings you closer to the decent people you know, pushes away the naysayers, and allows you to feel a certain hopefulness about the world. To the extent that you experience these, I believe you too will have profound health benefits.” Source: mercola.com, 10/4/14.